I am restless

This morning, I woke up a little early so I could read Proverbs 31 again. During World History (my favorite class), I wished and daydreamed about Lunch in the Street with The Hub and how I ached to be splittin' a quesadilla with Smokey, rather than learning about the Napoleonic Code. After school, I took the long way home so I could jam to Hillsong a bit longer. All around me, I see my life changing for the better. And I l-o-v-e it.

I was never a bad kid. I mean, I probably told too many inappropriate jokes my sophomore year, I speed way too much... and then there was that Shwayze/Mac Miller phase I went through. But I mean, I was never a part of the "bad" crowd. I didn't give my momma too much trouble, unless we're talking my sass. But I never snuck out. I never rebelled. And in my book, that made me pretty righteous. I mean, Ima virgin. You're not. I obviously win. Right? Wrong.

God sees SO MUCH MORE than what meets the eye. God has been showing me this over and over and over. Whether it be with the beautiful homeless men, women, and children in my city or my beautiful new friends I've been meeting. Sometimes, it takes a Jesus PUNCH (say like Captain Falcon's Falcon PUNCH) to make me realize that even the filthiest, dirtiest sinners are redeemed when asked. But, when I believe I'm living this sinless life, I'm really as filthy as I think they are. I feel no remorse for my sins if I truly believe I lack much sin. And this... could be an issue.

I challenged myself to pay more attention to my 'tude, my sass, my mouth in general. I challenged myself to keep my pride in check, my self-worth in check, myself, in general, in check! Y'all, the results were frightening. Ever since that day, I have grown so restless. I believe it's because I now know that everyone has room to grow. Every one of us has more room to fill with Jesus. And the best part, for us that have gone through too much in our short lives, is that the bigger the void, the bigger the gap, the bigger the Jesus. I remember the day I realized this. It was during 318 Live. I fell to my knees in thankfulness. I fell to my knees and embraced the fact that my filthiest, that I once thought was righteousness, could be washed clean by only the blood of Jesus. I realized that the emptiness I had been filling with self-loathing, could now be filled with the love and compassion of my Savior. I left that building with a new outlook.

Since that day, a few months ago, I have grown in so many ways (except height). My love for the unloved has reached new heights. My longing to know God has become inescapable. My yearning to bring the people I love in to know God has become almost unbearable. My burdens are heavy for Kenya, sex slaves, and my homeless neighbors. Thank God that Jesus' yoke is sweet and HIS burden is light (Matthew 11:30). Thank God for Him. S/O to the fact that He's commissioned me and my beautiful, Christ following friends to do His will. Thank God for the courage He's given us, the strength He's given us, and the fearlessness He's given us.

Thank you, God. I'm not tryin' to go all award ceremony on You, but I couldn't do it without You.